I Have You Fast In My Fortress
by koko23cat
Summary: A warrior undone by a tiny ray of light. My contribution the Fandom4Tsunami collection.


**My piece for the Fandom4Tsunami auction. I had huge help from Lonely-Soldier with the content, and then it was betaed and more by IdealSkeptic. The poem was all her, it just fit so perfectly. The girl's a genius.**

**In fact, they both are and I can't thank them both enough. Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>A mother observes how an angel so small can scale walls so high. A warrior undone by a tiny ray of light.<strong>_

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><p><strong>Esme POV<strong>

It was emotional limbo, really, I could think of no other words to describe it.

The birth of my granddaughter and her integration into our family was a truly wonderful thing. It was a privilege to see and experience the light and happiness she brought us. She was so mesmerising; her innocence and beauty touched us all. The impact she had on each of us was immense. The change she brought forth was irrevocable, and we would never be the same again.

For the first time in our long existence as a family, we could all see a real light in our future. A new life had been born, and with it had come hope, possibilities, and great, great joy.

But, in the months that followed the departure of the Volturi, the aura of peace and contentedness that settled over us was also tinged with an indescribable sadness. At least, for me, it was. The feelings that came with it were like a sense of loss that I struggled to comprehend.

I was so proud of Edward and Bella for the way they'd adapted to parenthood, so naturally. But it was with a heavy heart that I stood by and saw the kind of parents the rest of our family could have been..._should_ have been.

It wasn't so bad for Carlisle, because he _was_ a father, in every sense except blood. But it was heartbreaking for me to think about the other members of our family, to know that their lives were so cruelly taken from them before they had the chance to experience this beautiful gift.

It upset me to see them with Renesmee, knowing they'd never be able to have their own children. But, out of all of them, there was one I found the hardest to watch, and it was not the one I thought it would be. It wasn't Rose, whose aspirations were so callously stolen. It wasn't Emmett, with his endearingly childlike temperament that would have made him the most wonderful father.

It was Jasper.

It was Jasper, my oldest, yet newest son. At times, he was the son I felt we knew the least about. Jasper had never allowed us to become the parental figures we wanted to be for him. He didn't want it, and there was always a part of me that sensed he was keeping us at arm's length. It was a bitter pill to swallow, especially as the years rolled by and nothing changed. But sometimes, his distance only served to intrigue me more. I often found myself gazing at him, craving to know more.

He'd stayed away when Renesmee was born, not trusting himself enough to be around the blood. But, it was more than that. I believed the pain and fear that steeped the house for so many weeks eventually became too much for him, driving him away to suffer alone. He'd returned to the house soon after the birth, arriving just after Carlisle and I came home.

Renesmee had been in Rosalie's arms when Jasper had stepped tentatively into the living room. Her bright eyes had zeroed in on him immediately, curious to see this new face. He had stood by the doorway, eyeing her warily, undoubtedly waiting for fear to course through her at the sight of his scarred features. It broke my heart anew to realise that he thought his appearance would frighten her.

But I understood his reaction. We'd all been afraid of Jasper when we'd first seen him. His fierce, sharp eyes and protective stance over Alice had belied his inherent gentle nature, and we'd all been fooled. For a moment we had all thought him the monster he believed himself to be.

We'd been wrong, of course, so very wrong.

There was no doubt that Jasper was every bit the warrior his face and past painted him to be. But, over the years, as the walls around his heart had gradually lowered, we'd slowly all begun to realise who he really was - a kind, wise and gentle man, with a beautiful soul.

He was wonderful and Renesmee had seen it instantly. We'd watched, astonished, as she'd struggled with Rose to get to Jasper. We were spellbound as he stepped forward and raised his arms to meet her outstretched hands. Rose had relinquished her hold, but with wide, anxious eyes, and we had all waited with bated breath as the most dangerous being in our coven embraced the most vulnerable.

I wanted to cry as I watched Jasper hold her. There was no doubt in my mind that he'd held a baby before, and it was even more upsetting to speculate who that baby could have been. Had it been a little brother? A sister? Maybe even a child of his own. But who was to say? It was all speculation at this point, as Jasper couldn't't remember ever being married, and when we'd looked him up, we'd seen that he hadn't been. But still, he'd been a young, travelling soldier...anything was possible.

And anything _was_ possible now; Renesmee's birth was proof of that.

It was the start of a very special relationship between the uncle and niece. The little girl adored him. But not because he was fun like Emmett. If you could hear her squealing with laughter, then it wouldn't be Jasper she was with. It was when things were quieter, when she was tired, that you would find her curled up with Jasper. She'd most likely have her head on his chest, listening to him read, or just chatting quietly.

She sought him out every day, much to Jacob's disgust. Jacob's natural instinct to protect his imprint told him not to trust the battle scarred vampire. But Jacob didn't understand Jasper as the rest of us did, and he probably never would. Bella and Edward overruled him, anyway, so his repugnance eventually dulled to a mild disgruntlement.

Bella was delighted as she watched the bond between Jasper and Renesmee grow. It was as though the relationship Jasper should have had with Bella from the beginning had been given a second chance.

Again, the progress our family had made in the space of a few years, it was astounding. It was very quiet and subtle; this was _Jasper_, of course...but it was utterly lovely.

But then he left, and the impact his absence caused was devastating on each of us.

She never verbally asked for him, not as she did for Alice, but every day she would show us images of his face, her eyes pleading with us to tell her that he was okay. But no matter how much we wanted to soothe her worries, we couldn't't. Because up until the day he followed Alice into that clearing, we didn't know that he was.

Alice had been so pivotal to the survival of our family; it was her we all talked about, her that we overtly missed the most. She was so special to all of us. But Jasper was the keystone to the family that we took for granted. My heart ached for him while he was gone. It felt as if something vital was missing, a part of me lost when he wasn't there. It wasn't hard to see that we all felt the same way. We never spoke of it, because we couldn't't, none of us could bear it. The loss of his gentle presence was so great; a vast hole had been torn through us.

I fairly threw myself at him when the confrontation with the Volturi finally drew to a close. As I held him against me for longer than he had ever allowed me to before, I suddenly realised that I never wanted to let him go.

He was my son; I couldn't't have felt it more if I had borne him from my womb.

Months had passed by after that fateful day, and the relationship between uncle and niece had picked up where it had left off. But Renesmee had started to become unsettled at night, plagued by quiet nightmares and terrors. It devastated Bella and Edward because they didn't know how to comfort her; they didn't know what was wrong.

One night, Edward had carried a sobbing and crying Renesmee through the forest. He was beside himself, unable to calm her. Jasper had appeared in a flash. Leaves and twigs littered his hair from where he'd torn through the trees in his haste to get to his distressed niece. Edward passed her to him without a word, seeming to know from her thoughts that only Jasper could help her.

It warmed my soul to see the unwavering trust in Edward's eyes as he handed his daughter to Jasper. Their relationship had been strained after Bella's disastrous birthday party; the ramifications of those events had impacted so drastically on both of their lives. But, in that moment, that all seemed a lifetime ago. Jasper had worked so hard to overcome the bloodlust and depression that plagued him. With the exception of Alice, no one knew more of what he'd been through, than Edward.

Whether by choice, or not, he was privy to parts of Jasper that would forever remain unreachable to the rest of us. It was that knowledge of Jasper's spirit, I believed, that allowed Edward to have such absolute faith in him.

We did not stay to watch the interaction between Jasper and Renesmee; only Edward remained with them, revelling in the sudden calm his daughter was exuding. We crept back into the house a few hours later to find Renesmee curled up beside Jasper on the sofa. Edward was sat reading quietly on the chair in the corner.

Jasper was lying on his side, curved around the sleeping child. His head was pillowed on his arm, his eyes closed. His face was completely smooth, and if it were possible, I would have believed him to be asleep.

There was an air of peace surrounding us that night, it made it so very difficult to believe that the distress and alarm we'd all felt just a few hours before was real. It was times like these that I found Jasper's abilities so incredibly fascinating.

It wasn't until much later that Edward told us Jasper hadn't used his gift to comfort her, and his reasons for not using it

More than any of us, Jasper understood the dangers and consequences of avoiding and hiding from emotions. The damage done to his mind and heart, were evidence of that. The scars that ravaged his skin went much deeper, we all knew that.

I was heartbroken when Edward had finally revealed what had caused Renesmee to be in such distress. It hurt when we found out she'd been having a nightmare that relived the day Alice and Jasper left us. That fateful morning when we'd raced through the forest to the boundary line still plagued my thoughts, and left me feeling cold and bereft. I could only imagine what it was like for her, seeing it through a child's eyes.

It still tore at me whenever I thought of the feeling, deep inside, when we realised they'd left us. In that moment, it had seemed that they'd never return, and even in front of Renesmee, we'd failed to conceal our devastation.

Renesmee saw our faces that day over and over in her sleep; the grief, the anguish. She felt as though she couldn't't escape from it, and it terrified her to think that it could happen again. Her biggest fear was waking up to find us all gone, waking up to find herself alone.

It had taken Jasper hours to talk her down. He had to explain that; even when people left, it didn't necessarily mean they wouldn't't come back. Renesmee was unconvinced, and eventually, Jasper had told her the story of how her own father had left once, because he'd thought it for the best. Jasper told her how we'd all believed her parents would never be together again, that all was lost.

But, then he'd told her of the happy ending, of the bond that could never be broken, of how her own parents had been unable to live apart.

It could only have come from Jasper. His quiet wisdom was the only thing that could have calmed her that night and somehow, Edward had known that. It was a healing experience for all three of them and the warmth in the air when we stepped back in to the house, made me feel complete.

I smiled at Carlisle now as he came up behind me, gazing into the living room. We stood for a moment, watching the three of them together.

"It makes you wonder, doesn't it?" he murmured softly.

I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder. "Yes, yes, it does."

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><p><em><strong>I have you fast in my fortress,<strong>_

_**And will not let you depart,**_

_**But put you down into the dungeon**_

_**In the round-tower of my heart.**_

_**The Children's Hour.**_

_**Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.**_

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><p><strong>My first foray back into the vampire world for a while, so what how was it? I love my sleeping Jasper, so you know I had to sneak him in somewhere! <strong>

**Lonely-Soldier made me a banner for this. I have it on my blog. The link is on my profile page. Thanks for reading, and for those of you that donated...Huge thanks for that, too.**

**Thanks again, to IdealSkeptic.**


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